I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
