you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize