Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
