no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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