i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
