Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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