Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
