My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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