i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
