Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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