So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
