oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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