Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize