and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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