I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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