The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
