I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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