im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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