i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
