Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
