I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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