If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
These tits shall not be calmed
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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