So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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