your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
