There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Randomize
