My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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