she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
