I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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