I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize