spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
