you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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