last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
