Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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