some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
