If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
