No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
