I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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