im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
