So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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