my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
