Welp...herpes.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
