Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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