I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We left the knife in your bed.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
