my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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