your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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