tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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