I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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