I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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