you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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