Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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