you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
