Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
