I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
