apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
