I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
