Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
