i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
