I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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