I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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