I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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