Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
