Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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