Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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