dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
