You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
