Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Vodka?
Forever.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
